[NetBehaviour] residency response: 4: ode to failure

Jason Nelson newmediapoet at yahoo.com
Fri Jul 1 05:50:47 CEST 2005

marc and rich and all,

I've heard that many performers attempt to forget they
are performing, to both consciously and subconsciously
remove the idea that "people are thinking about me and
what I am doing" from their bulbish bone coated mass
of nerves and juices, such tasty juices. And certainly
with this residency, there is the understanding that
others are looking, playing and to some extent judging
(not in a damnation way, but in a this tastes like
apple-cherry way). But because around us are our homes
and the close and kind voices of lovers, we cant see
the audience, cant guage their reactions. Which both
terrifying and freeing. It allows for the "I can do
whatever the hell I want". While also knowing that
because others cannot see you perform and you cannot
in turn leap off their response. 

You are truly experimenting. Accepting failure, and in
fact striving for failure in some ways. As failure
implies risk and ignoring constraints. Which I hope I
accomplished somewhat.

With typical creations I find myself asking, pleading
for comments and suggestions, using on around 15
percent of anything I make. But with this, the time
stamp forced impromptu performances, raw recreations
and translations, unpolished and reactive into the
world. I did not have time to guess or explore really.
Although there were some residencies I put off, or
altered. In fact I could have done 30, as I have
around six that failed. 

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