[NetBehaviour] Re: female writer facing death NetBehaviour Digest, Vol 103, Issue 3

[(?))))___]

dear anniea,

http://arkania.org is my host.

Jaume, the owner, has given me free hosting for many years. Jaume has a 
very special sense of humour, i can tell you that he offered for many 
years free host to many spanish webdevelopers... he's got a gothic 
taste, nothing bad... because no one have given to spanish developers 
free hosting ever.

it is a pity that you did not find:
http://mediaidea.arkania.org
http://calenco.arkania.org

and my lasts

www.f451.es

my other work is off line, i've been working in net for 8 years and some 
months before i state in this very list that i was going to study what i 
have been blogging for 8 years.

i suggest you not to read blanchot, bataille and deleuze and some 
others, harold pinter... capote, even conrad... !
(they are french philosophers, not sadomaso artists)

do you consider all right my reaction, my explanation?

thanks for expressing your opinion.

best regards,



anniea escribió:
> I don't know what to do with this mail
> I don't like it
>
> not if serious (that's obvious)
> not as an artwork (see also http://arkania.org/ )
> not on this mailing list
> too obvious, too simple, manipulating, even stupid
>
> please react/explain mediaidea
>
> yours
> Annie
>
>>
>> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
>> From: "(?))))___" <mediaidea at arkania.org>
>> To: NetBehaviour for networked distributed creativity
>> <netbehaviour at netbehaviour.org>
>> Date: Wed, 09 May 2007 01:28:10 +0200
>> Subject: [NetBehaviour] > female writer facing death
>> today my life has been a nahual thing.
>>
>> i just don't like life anymore.
>>
>> i dislike humans.
>>
>> right now, even matisse doesn't satisfied me.
>>
>> right now, even my son is not a reason to live.
>>
>> yesterday morning i had a very disgusting conversation with a public
>> institution about the rights of equality of my little family. i'm a
>> single mother. i have no paid work. in few months we would have to leave
>> my rented home: no other place to go. and as i am a single mother in a
>> catholic country, me and my child are bastards... (how can women think
>> that they can be independent from man? how dare they... ?)
>>
>> i have artistic projects. many ideas to develope, but not time to sit
>> down and make one of those things nowadays artist have to do to have
>> some money to do their ideas.
>>
>> so... i thought to comitte suicide.
>>
>> not in the tragic way:
>>
>> just as maurice blanchot's statements.
>>
>> i have my life,
>> my life belongs to me,
>> no one can tell me if i have a right to choose the moment of my death,
>> i have my right to choose it,
>> it is part of my freedom as a living being.
>>
>> i don't like life if i can't be as free as i want, so i give up life and
>> want to become wind.
>> free wind.
>> i really desire to become wind.
>>
>> i arranged things to be alone in my house, in my home, with all my
>> sculptures, paintings, things...
>> i wrote a letter to my sister, defending my right to decide when to die;
>> i wrote to my love to say to him how much love i have in me from him...
>> and i tried to explain to my son that his mother was going to do an act
>> of freedom, a poem becoming wind.
>>
>> i had my pills, my rum, my music-to-die, henry purcell, to go right to
>> heaven as queen elisabeth...
>>
>> ... all very artistic, and symbolic, as a soul lover of sublime life...
>>
>> and then... that "thing" called "mother" opened the doors of the
>> forbidden place and discovered me in a very suspicious mood.
>>
>> and then, everything happened so quick that i just have the memory of a
>> surrealist play: in a minute my house, my home, my place of working my
>> sculptures and pictures and writings was full of policeman and nurses.
>> even my father was around, looking at my diaries, after 1 year without
>> talking to me !!!
>>
>> i was lied in bed, drunk, in one of the most lucids moments of my life.
>>
>> a policeman had the duty to make me speak and check that i was concious.
>>
>> stupid all, they came when i just had 4 pills and 2 rums. they came too
>> soon !!!
>>
>> the questions that that policeman asked me were so absurd that just a
>> blackadder-fan could answer.
>>
>> maybe one day i will write a play of that questioning... to show...
>> again... how stupid a human being can be dressed with an official
>> uniform, etc...
>>
>> in a moment there were about 14 people in the home of me and my child.
>> a hidden home of creativity.
>>
>>
>> it was funny, some of the urgent health service didn't know what to
>> do... so they began to look at my pictures and one of them said: this is
>> beautiful...
>>
>> i laughted.
>>
>> i said... it may be beautifull, but i'm nobody, so it is nothing. and he
>> insisted, but it still is beautifull...
>>
>> i laughted again.
>>
>> another funny thing is that my father, who doesn't speak to me for a
>> year, was explaining to someone how hard was my life, and he was telling
>> old things of my life, without any idea of what was my present.
>>
>> oh, yeah... the policeman said to me that comitting suicide was a crime,
>> as euthanasia !!!
>>
>> great, great, great... !!!
>>
>> ... but unfortunately, it wasn't the moment to discuss maurice
>> blanchot's writtings with an asshole.
>>
>>
>> i went to hospital in an ambulance under the threat of comitting
>> suicide, when i was just a little drunk... because i did not have time
>> to go on !!!
>>
>> i spent the afternoon in the emergency  room.
>>
>> i looked at people, and i felt that i don't belong to this world.
>>
>> i lied as a whore when the psiquiatrists asked me a lot of stupid
>> questions... (i had several theatre lessons, they have been really
>> useful evetuall)
>>
>>
>>  the most disgusting thing of all is that state thinks that my life
>> belongs to him.
>> it is a crime to decide when you want to die.
>>
>> ( ... )
>>
>> life and death belongs to the people.
>>
>> even mothers has the right to explain to their childs the poetry of
>> acts, the freedom of life.
>>
>>
>> ( ... )
>>
>> thanks for reading,
>> good night,
>> good luck,
>> good nahual.
>>
>>
>>
>> *
>>
>>
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