[NetBehaviour] naughty boy

Alan Sondheim sondheim at panix.com
Tue Aug 18 19:25:23 CEST 2009

It's odd, we find ourselves in dire straights and I was going to write 
something similar. My degree's in english, which has been useless all 
these years; Azure's is in environmental conservation from NYU (mine's 
from Brown). She hasn't been able to get work; I teach from time to time, 
part-time, and the stress is incredible; I think about suicide, running 
away with Azure, etc. etc. She has no health insurance; I have Medicare 
which is partial but better than nothing. At my age, no one would ever 
hire me full-time, and for that matter, my career's consisted of teaching 
usually part-time at I think maybe 17 places now. On a month to month 
level we don't have any stability. It affects my work - I think one reason 
my texts are short is that I always feel I'm on the run, that next week 
will be the last, etc. etc. - a 'normal' book takes a modicum of peaceful- 
ness to be able to sit down and accomplish something. A year and a half 
ago I had my first real grants which allowed us to live for eight or nine 
months without worry - it was a miracle. I try to control my anger - after 
all I'm responsible for not becoming a lawyer doctor academic etc. etc. - 
but it's difficult, especially in a country where there's no respect for 
the non-traditional arts, even today; the US gives almost nothing to 
culture compared to the rest of the industrialized world.

I just keep enduring; one of these days, a stroke will get me. I'd go to 
an analyst but who can afford over 125 usd / hour? And that would give any 
stability, just a way to cope with a miserable situation.

Thanks for your writing - I sympathize and think a lot of other people 
must be in similar situations. And your work's brilliant.

Damn it.

- Alan

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