[NetBehaviour] ..so we decided we'd turn one room dark and one room light

Alan Sondheim sondheim at panix.com
Thu Oct 24 05:08:30 CEST 2013

..so we decided we'd turn one room dark and one room light
and put the instruments and humidifier in the dark room
because the light really does pour in and in the bright
room the wood will dry out and there go more cracks in the
instruments, so we made an alcove near the bed and put as
many of them as we could around it so you can see all of
them as has been traveling with adam and azure and myself
have made it and now the question is who is going to want
to listen to these things here and who's around to play
with and what do i do so i'm not a total freak here even
though i might have to go running with azure back to new
york since a lot of people here tell me that's the case
and providence can't hold onto crowds which i do really
understand since i lived here admittedly years ago but for
a good thirteen or so years in a row and towards the end
of that period i was getting tired feeling that i was in
fact totally crazed and getting out was my only option so
i opted for running down to the city which was of course
new york as often as i could sometimes crashing at vito
acconci's place on christopher street and for the rest i
really forget where i stayed but those were desperate
times and pretty soon i moved down into the city myself
with my second life and we took a place that tom bowes
had had and then that was the end for a while of rhode
island for me and i never looked back but now here i am
in a place downtown on westminster street and i'm trying
to feel not entirely insane even with the medications the
clinic doctor gave me which are all interacting in a kind
of chemical soup so i called my brother and got some good
advice from him about which to cut out before i kicked
the bucket which is far too early for me especially when
i end up wandering around the alcove looking at the
instruments there are starting to play again for the big
gig we've got coming up as part of the 50th anniversary
of esp-disk at jack in brooklyn and i'm wondering how on
earth do i get these down to the city and find parking
and not stress over the car and focus focus on the
playing before i make a fool of myself pretending to
play anything from viola to one sort or another of saz
or cumbus which are still sitting prettily in the
alcove not realizing they may be about to partake of a
strange and vast journey into musicland with the only
but very major difference that we're going to be going
back to providence, repeatedly returning in one or
another direction and you know how stressful that can be
which was the case that gravitated me towards the big
city in the first place resulting in a somewhat muddied
art career hanging out with amazing people and finding
my own way at a place called mcgoos or magoos which i
think had prostitutes on the second floor but on the
first was the best art bar eatery ever as far as i was
and still am concerned although now there's a place
called food as part of as220 in providence that isn't
really the same as the old food in soho which was
always too expensive for me but that i passed by all
the time on the way from here to there or some such
and now wish i could return for twenty minutes to that
corner just the way it was which is pretty much how
as220 is except for the restaurant food per se but the
rest of the corner and soho had a mean and hungry look
and i wasn't playing music again at that time having
given it up in the previous decade or some such as i
felt like a fake and it was getting to be too much for
me so i arrived and was busy with photography and
video and showing and making one mistake after another
which i threaten myself with that i'll keep doing the
same looking out the windows on westminster and down
the street past as220 to the overpass where the
highway says towards new york in one direction and
boston in the other and it doesn't say towards the
city but after new york there isn't any other in any
case so i move from the bay window back into the light
side of the place we're in now and cross to the short
hallway on the right where i take another right into
the dark room and there among everything else in the
alcove there are bowed and plucked instruments as well
as some endblown flutes and i found of course there
was no room for the pump organ there so that has had
to stay in the bright side where it glows and usually
has a shakuhachi and xiao resting on it for company
and i keep thinking to myself these are lean times
and what will go down in the end and will i live
through it and what will become of us in this strange
place i've returned to which is now replete with
water and fire features downtown where the river used
to be covered over but now is full of light where i
worry i'll be trapped and unable to focus and just
learn to relax and live here with the two rooms and
just about no one to listen to or care about the
music or media or theory stuff i do or see that stuff
either and have i regressed and turned back into the
crazed and neurotic person i used to be here which
formed me into that uncomfortable mold or am i adding
layers to it from the position of the home you can't
return to because even that has been torn down or at
the least turned into a house so i'll go into the
dark room now and that will shield the world from me
and shield me from the world until the story drains
out or becomes so repetitive it's lost its way as i
worry day in and night out that i've lost mine


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