[NetBehaviour] a sitcom for xmas

dave miller dave.miller.uk at gmail.com
Thu Dec 10 16:54:38 CET 2015

Sit com about family obligations and dementia


Scene: care home and car parked in front


Scene: Inside care home

Talking to nurse…

Dad: We flew here at considerable expense (used up our air miles)

Wife: To be with grandpapa. We love him so much

Daughter: oh dearest grandpapa

Wife: And spend our valuable time with him this xmas (my god we’ve been so
busy in the lab)

Mother in law: … and because his family expect my son-in-law to do his
share (whispers: i.e. disrupting our holiday)

Daughter whispers: oh my god look at him he looks like a leper

Mother: sshh!


nurse: his dementia is very severe. He doesnt know what’s happening or who
you are

Dad: oh dear, well we are taking him out for a special treat.

Mother in law: Shopping to a designer outlet followed by a meal in a
designer restaurant. and we’ve booked a table.

Daughter: mama I want to buy that dress

Mother (whispers): I know darling, just be patient



Dad: put him in a wheelchair and we can wheel him around

nurse: maybe an hour is sufficient for him

Mother in law: Only an hour? we can’t do much shopping in that time
(whisper: what a pain!)

nurse: His dementia is very advanced now and he can’t do much, or stay out

Mother: oh we’ll be ok (whisper: he’ll have to put up with it)

Daughter: lets go



10 mins later…

Scene: in the car

Daughter: when do we get to the designer outlet?

Mother: not far now darling

Daughter: I’m bored and there’s a bad smell

Dad: what is that rotting smell? Like soil/ somebody stepped in something?

Mother in law: it’s grandpapa

Mother: he’s wearing nappies

Mother in law: Is he? what?!?

Daughter: This is gross! I don’t want him in this car

Mother in law: and now he’s fallen asleep, and he’s dribbling all over the



30 mins later…

Scene: In car park at the designer outlet

Mother: What are we going to do?

Dad: I can’t get him out of the car, he’s like in a coma

Mother in law: Is he dead? (wishes)

Mother: well our darling daughter must get that dress

Daughter: mama it’s a limited edition and they might have sold out hurry up!

Mother in law: ok darling don’t worry we’re sorting it out

Mother: And the smell… oh god

Dad: I can’t move him…

Mother in law: Let’s take him back

Mother: Yes let’s

Mother in law: smiles



Scene: inside the care home

nurse: back already?

Dad: yes he’s asleep and … I think has had a toilet related accident

nurse: oh that’s normal

Mother: So we’ll leave him with you… ok?…bye!

Mother in law: bye… and oh happy xmas!



Scene: in front of care home, driving off fast in the car

Mother: Please open the window

Mother in law: Now we can do our shopping in peace and relax.

Daughter: And go for that meal! Yes I’m famished

Dad: And no-one can say I didnt do my bit

Mother: That’s true.

Mother in law: Now - let’s get on with our holidays!

Daughter: Yes let’s !!!
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