[NetBehaviour] storm brew

[Alan Sondheim]

storm brew

http://www.alansondheim.org/denv24.jpg
http://www.alansondheim.org/stormbrew.mp3

storm is brewing out here, hasapi kept going out of tune, wind
hollowed, continued the resonance of the rear sound-hole,
finally coming to an end, rain and wind were picking up, i held
on to what territory i had, submergence, holding the cough back
as well for a few moments

as if something were tearing at the music, rending the fabric

wrote my friend earlier "I'm glad about ESP, I feel I've reached
a serious dead-end in Providence [,,,]. At least with music,
what I do is what I do myself or with friends, there are enough
people that will put a cd out, at least so far. So I can be as
neurotic or whatever, and still do ok, and music's more of a
common denominator. Everything else I do is negotiation and I'm
not good at that, it goes through institutions and classes, and
I don't teach and am unfortunately independent for the rest of
my life. But I can pick up, say, the banjo I have now, and do
things others can't, and it's within my aegis. I've been trying
on the other hand to get a book out of my theoretical work,
beyond the Writing Under one, and that won't happen - nothing
will come of it. So I feel I have to look even more inward,
before I totally collapse... it's not a great world out there if
you're over the age of 40, much less my 72 -"

then there's the hasapi going out of tune but always somehow
coming back _into it_ as if there were a home there even in the
wind and rain, doing what i do best maybe, braiding sound, still
uselessly hoping for a breakthrough otherwise - book published,
big concert, promotion, amazing grant, something curing the
gnawing of my throat against my throat, that thin closure -
looking up and through the Local Cluster, amazed at the
confluence of processes resulting in life on this planet, such a
think edge of fecundity in the midst of catastrophe,
annihilation - the Local Cluster coming closer, the storm
increasing, flashes now outside, where i was something about the
rain, the brewing storm, soon i'll remember, i'll remember soon
-