[NetBehaviour] Burnout

Alan Sondheim sondheim at panix.com
Sun Mar 19 05:53:03 CET 2017



I keep forgetting what I need to do or who's running this
country. I keep falling down when I take anti-anxiety medication
to keep running this country. I crawl across the floor trying to
remember places I've lived. I keep living remembering floors
everywhere, that even in a plane I don't escape them. I keep my
weeping to myself and my partner, taking no solace in a lone
fruit perhaps dying in a refrigerator or on a counter. I am that
counter and that fruit. I keep remember adjectives of hatred I
apply to myself and chant accordingly. I keep forgetting chants
and take solace in hatred. I keep waiting for the knock on the
door and the heavy-set man in armor behind that knock with his
fist behind that knock. I keep remembering that fist. I keep
remember being kicked with intent to kill in Brooklyn at the end
of my block. I keep remembering the corrupt cops who said if I
pressed charges it would go on my record not the perpetrator's.
I keep forgetting to remember and keep remembering to forget. I
crawl across the street at the end of my block and attempt to
stand. I stand in our apartment and wonder why I am standing. I
wonder where the end of the street is. I wonder why I am dying
on a street in a strange city. I wonder what a street is. I keep
looking at the floor and my legs look at me. I keep wondering
why my eyes are not my eyes. I crawl across screens with things
that move on them. I keep wondering what my eyes see.


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