[NetBehaviour] The Rising Costs of Explaining Bitcoin | EFFector 31.5

EFFector List editor at eff.org
Sun Apr 1 20:51:36 CEST 2018

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EFFector Vol. 31, No. 5  Sunday April 1, 2018  editor at eff.org

A Publication of the Electronic Frontier Foundation
ISSN 1062-9424

effector: n, Computer Sci. A device for producing a
desired change.

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In our 101010th issue:

* Report: By 2020, More Than 30% of World's Electricity
  Consumption Will Be Spent Explaining Bitcoin

Scientists have released a new study claiming that if
current trends continue, nearly a third of the world's
power will be used to explain how Bitcoin works by 2020.
According to experts, the amount of energy required to
download tweets, articles, and instant messages which
describe what "the blockchain" is and how "decentralized"
currencies are "the future" will soon eclipse the total
amount of power used by the country of Denmark. The authors
note that the average Uber driver now spends three minutes
per ride explaining how the coin is "totally anonymous" and
encouraging riders to install Coinbase or a similar app. 

Furthermore, they warn that "alt-coins" like Ethereum and
Filecoin are even more inscrutable, and explanations of
them promise to waste even more time and energy in the

Read more:

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EFF Updates

* Twitter's Plan to Fight the Trolls: Mute Everyone
This week, social media company Twitter announced a bold
new move to combat the notorious trolls that frequent the
website: mute every user. "Our users may have a strong
reaction to this new policy which prevents them from
creating any posts, responding to any posts, uploading any
pictures, or following anyone from the moment they sign up;
but we are confident that after some time with the new
system our users will see that it is a vast improvement
over the old Twitter, and they will enjoy the much less
toxic atmosphere," said Twitter CEO @jack. Typically
outspoken free speech advocates on Twitter did not appear
to have any comment as of the time of this writing.

* EFF to Relaunch as Electronic Fear Foundation
EFF's new Executive Director, Boston Dynamics RHex Model
8233, is proud to announce that the organization will
henceforth be known as the Electronic Fear Foundation.
"Both beta testing and neural modeling has shown that
fear-based messaging is more effective," said Model 8233.
EFF's staff have welcomed their new robotic overlord with
enthusiasm. "Working at EFF is far less stressful now that
all decisions are made by inscrutable algorithms and
implementation is overseen by a six-legged robot," Senior
Human Technologist Jeremy Gillula explained. A reception to
welcome Model 8233 and celebrate EFF's rebrand will be held
at beginning 1522559100 Unix time.

* NSA Stock Rating Up 1000% After Rename to National
  Blockchain Agency
In a surprising turn, the NSA has announced a name change
to include the word "blockchain," which has sent the
usually secretive spy agency's stock soaring. An NSA
spokesperson, wishing to remain anonymous, also stated that
as a part of this rebranding the agency will now store all
information it has collected about every American on the
blockchain. "Since the storage is on the blockchain, it
will be totally anonymous."

* NSA Surveillance Blocked After FISA Judge Goes Missing
  Inside Own Courtroom
After a six-year battle, EFF has obtained an internal memo
revealing that the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court
has been unable to approve FISA warrants for close to a
year because no one can find FISA Judge Thomas Russell, who
has been lost deep within the court's labyrinthine

* Federal Circuit Issues Injunction Prohibiting Use of
  English Language
In a landmark decision, the Federal Circuit has ruled that
the English language is subject to copyright. "The
selection and arrangement of the letters found in English
words include significant creative elements," the court
wrote. "Take the word 'The,' for example. Developers of
English could have used 'Teh' or 'Erd' or 'Gah'." The suit
was brought by the Harry Fox Agency on behalf of the heirs
of 5th Century Anglo-Frisians. District Judge William
Haskell Alsup, who taught himself English to better
understand the case, had ruled that the language was not
subject to copyright. Today the Federal Circuit overruled
his decision, awarded $12 trillion in damages, and issued a
permanent injunction barring the use of English.

* FBI Director Wray Demands Cryptographers Develop Better
As part of the agency's ongoing mission to make all
communications available to organized crime, FBI Director
Christopher Wray has urged the security community to
develop an effective euphemism for backdoors. The FBI has
tried terms ranging from "responsible encryption" to
"central management," but cryptographers insist these
labels simply don't work. "An inoffensive euphemism for
backdooring encryption is achievable," Director Wray
stated. "The community just isn’t working hard enough."

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~ Comcast Announcs Plans to Charg a Prmium for Accss to th
  Fifth Lttr of th Alphabt
Lawsuits xpctd from Nw York, Dlawar, and Tnnss.

~ EFF Warns of Security Risks in 'Internet of Non-Things'
While vulnerabilities in the so-called "Internet of Things"
have received a great deal of media attention, the EFF
warns that Internet-connected ideas, emotions, and
unrealized eventualities in alternate timelines remain
vulnerable to attack. Whatever you do, do not think about
the Internet.

~ National Basketball Association Sues National Blockchain
The NBA has filed a trademark infringement suit against the
National Blockchain Agency (previously known as the NSA).
Sources within the NBA say the move was precipitated by the
organization's plans to rename itself the National
Blockchain Association.

~ EFF Director of Cybersecurity Eva Galperin Announces That
  Her Mission Has Been Accomplished
The Internet is now safe from all threats.

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Our members make it possible for EFF to bring legal and technological
expertise into crucial battles about online rights. Whether defending free
speech online or challenging unconstitutional surveillance, your
participation makes a difference. Every donation gives technology users who
value freedom online a stronger voice and more formidable advocate.

If you aren't already, please consider becoming an EFF member today.

Donate Today [1]

[1] https://supporters.eff.org/join/effector

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* Administrivia

Boston Dynamics RHex Model 8233, Executive Director
 editor at eff.org

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