[NetBehaviour] the secret

Alan Sondheim sondheim at panix.com
Sat Jul 13 04:50:01 CEST 2019

the secret


if there were a god i would be dead.
dear god, kill me. even if you hate me, kill me.
you made me ugly in an ugly world.
i had no contract with you.
i had nothing at all with you and i hate you.
you make all of us disappear.
you make all of us disappear forever and we don't come back.
dear god, that's ugly.
and your reasons aren't good enough.

ime collapses in wha er, I couldn' ill can' all. I s here were a
primal scene, o be a misplaced recupera ion.  all. I s ill
pre-ne ill pre-ne ill can' er, I couldn' er, I couldn' 1943 I
did no ed communi mare and coal.  1943 I never knew my grandmo
ial dreams. The idea of dis 1943 I did no .  The Secre ill
pre-ne h my paren ion bo hers.  1943 There are early screen
memories of _being carried_ on a medical gurney pas ribu work.
Compu ribu ion bo he car , a nurse pushing rows of medica mare
and coal.  1943 I never knew my grandmo h my paren ing was
fluorescen iled, I beige/ yellow colora hing from - I remember
every he insubs presen he insubs he posi - I remember every
iled, I , simul heless. I've read abou none an beige/ yellow
colora he insubs none heless. I've read abou , simul , simul
ween remorse and regre a of one's con s_ and he difference be 's
ha he former a s er I he former a s ha her hand, he o er of
one's con 's rol over. On ive , wi he violence and denigra haun
haun ion of he plane owards slaugh he plane he world fills
anyone, I he violence and denigra ive er, disease, ex omb. S
ure, , wi he plane ure, ing, ing, omb. S er, disease, ex er,
disease, ex s, immobilized, haun o games, games in he
inconceivable in o objec h regre ill, now, 2007, I am filled wi
ing, hing I do is su hin ava he edge of failure.
Philosophically, s in urning people in o games, games in hin ava
hin a universal decep s wi his places a he inconceivable in hing
I do is su he world - philosophically, one exis of ure of ion.
1943-2007 And ar-like layer agains ar-like layer agains he faul
ha ries reference/remark ing, is s remain. One ar ion.
1943-2007 And he na he earlier; o be a misplaced recupera la ure
of ha ion.  he earlier; he earlier;

dear god, i've given you enough clues. you have enough to go on.
you know everything anyway. i don't care about you and what you
know or don't know. i hate you and you're ugly.

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