[NetBehaviour] Yom Kippur, 2020, meditation

[Alan Sondheim]

Yom Kippur, 2020, meditation

http://www.alansondheim.org/ontheridge.jpg

night is a bad sign for him. God died on Yom Kippur bad sign for
him. Yom Kippur good sign for him: (c) when there was a Rabbi
night is a bad sign for him. died on Yom Kippur bad sign for him.
Yom Kippur good sign for him: (c) when there was a Rabbi worried
I'll be cut off few contacts have. Today Yom Kippur, in its
entirety, perhaps on Yom Kippur or any day of reflection Yom
Kippur tomorrow and I cannot do God. cannot do God. and I cannot
do God. Yom Kippur tomorrow and I cannot do God.

0.

I remove the memos I erase see memos annihilate the memos I
delete the memos I kill the memos I abort the memos I destroy the
memos I create war with the memos I create destruction with
amemos I create a nihilation with the memos I create Lac with the
memos. I create lack with the memos. The most disappear the memos
disappear. The memo Spanish. The memos are ghosts. The memos are
Annihilation to the Limit. The memos are ghost. The memos are
digital or ghosts. The memos are splattered semiotics. The memos
are useless. Here are the memos.:

1.

Is he on keep or today. It's Yom Kippur today. Simon Wiesenthal
asks if we can forgive others under dire circumstances. The
question is can we forgive ourselves as well. I find I cannot
forgive myself for anything. As far back as I can remember there
are things that I wish I had not participated in things that I
have done. Some of them I don't remember. Some of them might have
been against my will. Some of them I do remember and I've tried
to work out ways to deal with forgiveness or sin or guilt. I
cannot do any of these things. I cannot do any of these things.
How can I forgive someone else if I cannot forgive myself. I read
about the Holocaust about genocide about slavery about violence
about war about sickness about injury about death about torture.
I read these things and I cannot find my way out of them. I no
longer think there is a way out. I find most political analysis I
read as bankrupt as I find the government. It repeats itself like
a manttra. Every piece itself like a prayer that does not offer
up solution but just continues as if it were contrary or Wayward
as if it were in its own realm as if it offered up something old
and something new is it if as if it told you something about the
world that you no longer knew or did not remember stepping all
the way back to the origin of the world and going far forward to
the future of the death of the Son and the dissipation of the
universe. None of these things will I know or remember. I am
frightened of the present tense. I'm frightened of the present
tense because it grounds me here and I have no project. I have no
Horizon. I know if I die in my sleep that I will not know that I
have died. That I will be gone as if something has been removed
from the world a stain or perhaps just a body. The none of this
will I know and perhaps I have always already known that I will
not know this. Stop. New paragraph. No longer did it continue
after I said new paragraph. No longer was I able to recite or to
work through what I was thinking those circulations the rim of
soil that surrounds always a grave as if each grave were in a
crater like a crater on the moon or another planet. And the
crater the rim of the crater would be mountains that would be
insurmountable. I crawl out from the grave and try to crawl
across the rim of the crater. I tried to emerge somewhere or
sometime on the other side but I am lost in my own Meandering
because I cannot remember anything because I have long passed on.
Did I say that this would be before the beginning of time and
extend to the end of the beginning of time to the end of time
itself to the end of the end of time did I say this would be a
space that would be unknowable as there would be nothing but
particles flux and everything empty a kind of grayness that would
be buried in the rim of the crater of the Grave that I am breeder
will be buried within. I am dissipated. I am flooded like a gas
is flooded like a gas Bloods the world. I've become flood. I've
become disarticulated. Now I pause. How can I forgive you for
what you have done to me. I do not remember your name and I do
not remember where you came from what the origin was. To forgive
someone is not an act unless one believes in God. I do not
believe in God and therefore I cannot act. I do not believe in
God and therefore I can do no act at all. Without God there is
nothing but contrivance in the world. I am contrivance. I am
contrivance. I am contrivance. Without God there is no sense of
meaning except what I can bring in a wheelbarrow of my bones to
the world. My bones are unacceptable to God. Because I do not
believe in God. My bones are unacceptable to me. Because I do not
believe in the acceptance of myself as a creature on this planet.
New paragraph. Oh we are all unacceptable on this planet. We are
all unacceptable everywhere. We spread like a gray dust like a
red dust and turned everything into uninhabitable zones. The
planet itself offers us it's plastic. We take the plastic and
code ourselves with it. Quick oats are holes. We caught our
holes. We coat are holes. We caught our holes. We caught our
holes. We cannot say this I cannot say this. The machine refuses
to take the words at face value. Everything is coded our bodies
are coded from the very holes where we piss and shit and
reproduce to our eyes where we see and cough and choke and here
and forget that we are alive. We are at the rim of our Rim. We
descend. We cannot absolve. We kind of forgive ourselves for
this. We cannot forgive ourselves we cannot forgive ourselves for
being. We cannot forgive capital b e i n g. We cannot forgive
being itself. We cannot forgive capital B being or self. What
forgiveness is this that matters only to our own conscience. Our
conscience literally is a construct that serves to remind us that
we cannot forgive. We are always gone and lost in relationship to
what we think we are thinking to what we think we are being to
what we think we are doing. I cannot give you absolution. I kind
of give myself absolution. I watch the world sink into itself and
we sink into the world along with it. We sink into ourselves.
Week sink into this text that automatically is a failure and that
goes nowhere. How much longer can this go on?

Code is a way of sinking into violence. It is the way that turns
the world up as if there is nothing but Bones. The bones of code
or the code of Bones. Ontology switches Skips from one to the
other. Code and bones bones and code. None of this matters in the
long run because there is nothing left except antique ramblings
and miniscule patches of writing that seems to be that seem to be
performative. Code and bones bones and code code and bones bones
and code code and bones bones and code.

2.

All my mom s me up Barrie Munroe Neil anymore me so I need
Moore's Lis Moore Moore Lisa mani mani mani mani mani mani mani
Moore Moore Amir remind me all the mud mask and Martha boiling
Manny B Money Bart Weiss more than me or my mom or my mommy Nola
or my mommy Nola or my mom mean or love me anymore Martin mean
meaning of Boy Meets monika's skin Moore's Margie be my problem
Moore's miekal Boley Mitchell stifling boss lady. Everybody asked
about to make a lot more body to burn Monty's probably Matias
cell permission 40 mi casa Rita commercial job to raise to commit
career Schmidt Patricia's Carter brush Maggi Michigan's Maria get
Mr Carter's Murray give me Martha could blow up 3% of all doubt
they can wash me cabal in their bark about GP list look at that
Carol Wikipedia Morty P P's back to Broadmoor Taylor Petit Marche
Bacchus lichty cap for a boy that you can buy for Jared market
today just make it to the floor mortgage April 8th to make it to
Market their Markle that bus ticket Pitts take out pick up on
because I'm a thief off like if it's best to Rachel play ball for
me got file karate to Bob on merseyside for fried to slap me to
Slava for mitas flower for Matias Leah for Mr Slava B just lost
me mitas Slava turn off The Loft at this lot for a p P's to
properly make that funny Pittsburg party Boulevard monika's
Tuttle Halal Jose imma call her landlord mine is telling the hell
out of Jose be called her landlord monika's Donner hello how long
are landlord Monika Stoner Halala Jose I be called her landlord
monika's Donner Ayler house have me called her landlord is trying
to hell out of her side because my landlord monitor know how long
has Jeremy call Neil airlord mom is trying to holler has had me
call Holly lord lord lord lord reith a lot a lot a lot a lot a
lot a lot a lot of a lot of Jose make coral a lot because a lot
because I Love You Lord we call her a lot because I'll a lot
because I let me call her later on because I later they call her
landlord Piccola Lord because because because because because
because my landlord me call her landlord be called hell a lot of
Laila o Laila o Laila o Laila o Laila to be cold while later
because the landlord because lala lala lala lala lala lala lala
lala lala lala

2a.

++ +++ ++++++++++ +++ +++ ++++ ++++ ++ million + ++++++ + ++++++
+ ++ to +++,+++ million + ++++++++++++ + ++% + +++ +++.+ +++++
+++ + +++ - + * ++ exponent ++ - +++ ++ + + + + ++ ++ ++ +++
+++-++++ ++++ ++++ D +++-++++ +++++ +++ ++++++ + ++++++ and +++
and +++ + +++ hundred hundred hundred and twelve Point +++++
decimal x to the ++nd power.

3.

I will take a big pill. I will take two little pills. I will take
three big and too little. Pills. I will take a quarter of a pill.
I will take 4 pills and an injection. I will take three pills in
an injection and a patch. I will take two patches three
injections three liquid tablespoons to pills as an injection and
a pill. I will take 3 3/4 pills. I will take six injections and
to insertions. I will take for insertion 3 patches to injections
and five pills. I will annihilate myself. I am always already
gone. I haven't dilated myself. Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya
Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya Mya Mario Mario Mario more more
more more more more more real real real real real real real real
real real real real real real real real real real real real real
real real real real real real real real real real real real real
real real real real real real real wheel wheel wheel wheel wheel
wheel wheel wheel wheel wheel wheel wheel wheel wheel wheel wheel

4.

I will do nothing of the sort.

5.

graveyard of ghosts graveyard of texts graveyard of bodies
graveyard of organs graveyard of blood graveyard of bones
of bones the crater and the ridge
of blood the crater and the ridge
of organs the ridge and the crater and the organs
of bodies the ridge and the crater and the bodies and the organs
of texts of nothing
of ghosts the ridge and the ridge
of ghosts the ridge and the ridge the ridge

6.

Graveyard of texts:

1,2,2a,2,4,5,6,7,8 of the ridge and the absence of the ridge

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