[NetBehaviour] Inconceivable Disintegration of the Cosmos

Alan Sondheim sondheim at panix.com
Tue Mar 30 14:50:09 CEST 2021

Inconceivable Disintegration of the Cosmos


It's early in the morning. Or it's early for me. I'm (78) almost
80 years old and I've been thinking about the past too much
today. I think I may have a few more years where I can still
make some reasonable work. But I'm not sure. There are people in
my past from a long time ago like Vito acconci and rosemary
Mayer Who meant a tremendous amount to me at the time. They're
faded for me although I can remember so many incidents from
that. I don't know where I'm going with this but I do know this,
that when I start when I continue thinking and start thinking
more and more complex thoughts about the organization of the
world and its inextricably complex networking I get more and
more lost in this. It's clear that nothing is as clearly defined
as it was supposed to be. I remember early when I was thinking
about Vito acconci and how his work was monumental in the way
that transcended particulars of space and time in history. For
me. For me it made art history because it transcended art
history. It was about a person in relationship to the world and
complex configurations psychological moments Terrors and loves
that came out of that. I was very influenced by him early on.
But now it seems to me that this was a false reading of the
world at the time nothing was as clear as it seemed to be. I
recognized that even back then when I was trying to deal with
the idea of determinism in human beings. Were we determined
species or were there deep elements of chance? So I did a piece
that involved computer analysis of computer analysis of
determinism and human beings. And what came out of that was that
things were deeply in any scientific way were deeply
indeterminate in terms of predictability after local effects
could be discounted. I've kept that in my mind as I've grown
older. I know this text is going to be distorted but that's okay
because I'm not sure that anything anyone says at this point is
going to be anything but distorted. The language is fractured
the internet is fractured music is fractured culture is
fractured. there's the blockchain on one end which seems to hold
the promise of the monolith. But on the other end there are
refugees frayed frayed frayed body parts local insurrections
over populations disease of which is only one (way to think
about it?) (kind of trajectory through the enormous fractured
sememe of the world?) And this is going to continue and the
fracturing is going to continue because we're past the carrying
capacity of the planet. I am a witness to that. I am a witness
to the disintegration of the monolith. I am a witness to the
disintegration of the monolith. I tried to suit your (suture) my
body together. I tried to heal myself I tried to heal myself
constantly. I got nowhere and anywhere at all. Instead I am one
with the cosmos floating and because I am almost 80 years old I
can assume I won't be going on for much longer and I will
disappear into the thin thin thin air not of Mars but of
everywhere. The Density of the world is astonishing. Every bit
of the fabric is interconnected with every other bit not through
wormholes but just two local effects which dissolve as you
approach Planck length times and masses. There's no way around
this. All of humanity couldn't fit through a wormhole. Nor
perhaps a single virus. What's on the other side is nothing but
and other side and more fracture. They think that I am depressed
and that I am a nihilist. But it's the world's nihilism that we
all come up against if we look clearly and for a moment put our
cell phones aside and stare unabashedly at the cosmos. We didn't
realize we reached the carrying capacity of a very small planet
and there's nowhere to go but sintering. But sintering.
Sintering. Sintering.

(The above was dictated and slightly corrected after a night of
four plus hours sleep and waking and sleep and waking and then
thinking about Saturday Night Live last night we tried to watch
part of it and the ageism was ugly and everyone laughed at our
president falling down stairs leaving an airplane and I thought
perhaps there's no longer any reason to continue. But then my
repetitive thinking took over and I realized I no longer had any
reason to stop. But also - this is not the sort of world I want
to wake up in, and so forth and so forth, sintering. Sintering.
Sintering. Maybe this was dictated too.)

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