[NetBehaviour] The Eternal Exercise And A Comment

Alan Sondheim sondheim at panix.com
Wed May 5 22:22:55 CEST 2021

The Eternal Exercise And A Comment


What am I hearing it might be God
fearing the stallion is rearing
the forest is dead where am I
going the sky's blowing red the
people are ready the horses are
fed where have I been in this town
of grey sin in this town where the
weather's unpinned where the
horses are in where the stallion
is ready where the horses are
rearing and the forest is dead.
Sometimes there's chasm a sight of
a plasm where's the flesh isn't
messed and the samples go lie and
this sky is darkling and the
plasm's a storm that always means
harm and the cyto is psycho and
the horses are no go and the
horses are carrying bodies in
babies up to the sky up into the
sky. What am I seeing it might be
gone fleeing the stallion is
winning the forest is gone where
am I going the wind is no more the
people steady to go down to the
Weir. Where is the Weir where the
canal was flying into the sky with
the horses and chasm where is this
site have the people who light
down by the forest for the trees
are all burning and the horses are
churning in this dream by the
river in the river by brook in the
fountain in in the sea in the sea
in the ocean in the lake of the
ocean in the lake of the ocean
where the horses lies sleeping and
people are weeping at parties in
babies are up in the sky and
falling and sweeping the seeds of
the rye and the wheat that
surrounds us and the lost people
hound us where the horses are
tossed and nothing is left but a
weir way down there where the
people in steeples steeples learn
how to fear when they go down in
the forest and the ocean is messed
and the horses are blessed hands
up in the sky the lake of the
ocean is a sound of the cry from
the horses and bodies and babies
who fly.

I've been thinking more and more about this process of creating
daily new work; I've been doing this for 27 years now in a row.
It's been a scaffolding but it's also been a source of anxiety
since it's difficult to come up with something new on a daily
basis; for all I know I may be repeating myself incessantly. The
result, combined with covid, is an out of control anxiety. Part
of this is a fundamental lack of community here in Providence,
which has been going on for almost eight years; part of it is a
real lack of funding, which in my (equal lack of a) profession
results in an inability to carry out the work I want to; as you
know - I was adding this all up today - for the first time, I
have no real adequate still or video camera for production, and
no chance of getting these (I've always worked otherwise, with
good equipment, since 1969 or so) - so there's no VR or AR work
coming from my end, no potential collaborations at this point.
The last actual grant I had was something like fifteen years ago
which gave us tools to work in West Virginia at the Virtual
Environment Lab. Since then, there's been no funding, which sends
me constantly back to things like linux, work with acoustic
instruments, text manipulation programs and the like. (Medicines
cost for example.) If anyone has any ideas at this point, please
let me know; I'm certainly not going to be getting any other
grants or faculty positions or stipends etc. I'm constantly
trying, even now, to get a book out, based on my production and
theory-work (such as it is), but I think I carry the stink of
failure around with me that undermines everything. At least we
owe no one any money, and I keep going at this absurd and
somewhat baleful task of continuous production.

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