[NetBehaviour] article out in 2600 and a Yahrzeit piece

Alan Sondheim sondheim at panix.com
Wed Sep 8 00:55:26 CEST 2021

Really happy, have an article on hacking mocap in 
https://www.2600.com/content/summer-issue-2600-released-16 - this means a 
lot to me! 2600, The Hacker Quarterly is a great magazine - glad to be 
part of it!
The Summer issue of 2600 is out! Sure, summer is almost over, but our 
issue is just hitting stands and mailboxes all over the world.


The Library, Father's Death


Ten years ago my father died. I wasn't there when he died. I
came down later to help with the house and attend his burial.
It was at that point that everything changed in my life. It
has always been building up to this moment. It had always been
a time and a place when I knew that all that would be around
would be the library. I wanted to hide in the library. I
wanted to be alone with the books. I helped them clear the
books out of the house and accompanied them to New York City
where we sold them. It was a large auction house. My father
always pulled the rug out from under me. I never knew where I
stood with him. I didn't stand with him I ran from him. When
he would fly into a fury at me. When he would fly into a fury
I would hide. I would hide from myself. Sometimes I went out
for walks. Sometimes I went out trembling and came back
trembling. I would go in the back of the house and slam the
bedroom door. I went to the bedroom. I always feared him. He
was static to me. He was always there and mobilized. I got my
love of books from him. I got my fear of the world but not
from him but from him. I associated the world with him. I've
never been able to be in the world properly. Still I mourned
his death. It was ten years ago. Today is Rosh Hashanah. It's
never a new year for me. It is always the same you're
repeating itself over and over again. I attempt to crawl out
of the black hole of depression. I'm see my father at the way
I'm looking down. I'm looking up at the rim. His shadow
against the sky. I see my father judging me. I'm never good
enough. I'm never ever good enough. I love the library. What I
have now, the library and as luck would have it I have someone
who has been with me for over two decades now. And that has
been so much for me that I think I have finally learned a
little bit about how to love. I'm almost invisible to myself.
I I fear death. I fear death because I always feel I am on the
other side of death looking in at life. I I am always on the
other side of death looking at life. It's a ghost that I can't
escape. I can't admonish to go. Who can admonish a ghost? I am
so twisted up but all I think about now is our home here,
Azure, and what few friends we have. Here. Not there. Not
Kingston, Pennsylvania. I think about a vector traveling
across country with her. If we go out across country now we
will be haunted by the Plague. And I will be followed by my
father. I will be followed everywhere by my father. I will be
followed until I pass away or until exorcize. How can I
exorcize when today is the 10th anniversary of his death.. How
can I do anything. I would say the Mourner's Kaddish but I
forget the words. I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
But now I'm in the library in the library is in me. I stretch
out my arms and they touch books. I stretch to the floor into
the heavens and they reach books. I look before me and behind
me and I touch books. I touch the books. To the left and the
right of me. It is always like that I am touching books. I am
touching books and it is Rosh Hashanah it is the head of the
year. It is also the 10th anniversary of my father's death.
The 10th anniversary of my father's death. God forgive me for
I have sinned.

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