[NetBehaviour] My exhibition private view!

[Simon Mclennan]

It did happen.
They all came there.
I stood and gaped.
As them trickled in.
Then we played the songs - to top it off!
Big Mark had brung a PA.
There was a lot of wine.
My Kurdish friends hosted the event in the big cafe.
We hung the works on wires from the new picture rails - old method.
Onur played bass in my band.
Andy the scot on skins.
Some people ignored what was written on the myriad tags dangling
neatly from the myriad charcoal drawings from 1995.
It was about this and that - and a mediated experience of a tactile
art work.  The specially invented conditions pointed at the abstract
drawings.
They were a sequence - an animation called Glass Flesh Kiss.
People had said I might be called a lunatic back in 1990 when I gleefully
drew chalk beetles on pavements in Bristol.
With Heath Bunting another artist.
Every day for about two years.

here is a small section from the list of my imagined mental conditions:


Slippery slope condition (looks at digital technology like phones and
laptops and shudders)

Uphill struggler (imagines struggle and strife - when walking down
easy-street!)

Rented mental illness condition

Bank fugue (hears Bach near banks and feints)

Scottish coffee obsession (hallucinates cafes in border towns in the 70s)

Medieval banquet disorder (jumps on tables in restaurants, kicking food,
singing, dancing and reciting poetry)

True hallucinator (hallucinates but produces real objects and situations
indistinguishable from ‘reality’)

Axe thrower (obsession to throw axes into doors)

Arse grabber (grabs own arse and laughs uncontrollably - named after Kurt
Vonnegut character)

Funk timing condition (syncopates inter-personal transactions)

Queue disorder (imagines they are a queue and builds multiple personalities
to flesh out the idea)

Flakey personality disorder (mmmm, you can imagine)

Tryer condition (tries something new then quits)

Lolly life disorder (just sees life as a bag of sweets to devour…)

Surrealism/dada syndrome (thinks life is art)

Withering Heights fugue (obsessively reads Bronte sisters and rings
imaginary bell calling imaginary butler)

Trippy eyes fugue (gazes at imaginary colourful snakes writhing on palms of
hands)

Gripper man (holds onto past)

‘Croc’ episodic syndrome (licks lips and grins inappropriately imagining
humans be buffalo at watering hole)

Crowd teaser (sprays ideas over heads of crowds in public places)

Truncated tune affect (stops thinking halfway through melodic ideas)

Gilded lily joker (too many long, complicated jokes at all times)

Gravity obsession (?)

Trees sing (ties bank notes to branches and twigs)

Landscape imaginer (dangerous move towards brown landscape ideal)

Flood affect (cries uncontrollably, thus annoying even the mice - so they
eventually move next door)

Kafka prosody (hides in room staring at ceiling cracks)

Adherent personality (disagrees with imagined foes)

Trumpet cascade personality

Lemon tree personality (obsessive poetic imaginings)

Old darkness personality (imagines camels at night)

Unexplained crusher (wants to crush biscuits to feel safe)

Momentary disappearance (actually disappears then re-appears)

These were printed onto the luggage labels.

Photos can be seen here https://www.instagram.com/p/C3ioodcILfW/?img_index=1

Simon
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