Thank you so much for this, it's eloquent of course and I hope you write more, continue. I'm terrified of dying and terrified at the same time of hospitals, of disappearing to anyone but myself. Now I am going in for a difficult MRI and I'm frightened at that as well; it lasts for an hour and I've been asked to wear a mask in the machine. I have trouble breathing through these in any case and I'm worried about a panic attack; on Monday I'll call the center and see if something else can't be worked out - they take into account special cases. Like many of us, I think, I no longer 'recognize myself,' part of me wants to stop working, wants to stop everything, part of me soldiers on, so to speak, not a good metaphor. We've had to cancel our one tiny trip because of constant heat waves we're experiencing. I haven't been outside at all in days again; I'm worried about another seizure, heat stroke. Downtown is 'opening up' somewhat here in Providence and Azure and I and others are retreating. The skateboarders a block away have been out all through the lockdown and let up without masks. We sit and watch British shows, Jonathan Creek and now Inspector someone, Lynley?? as we've seen all of Silent Witness. I practice music but no idea to what end; I write and work on various pieces outside of community. Without a yard to sit outside, on occasion we do go downstairs at times - 4 in the past 5 months - for a bite to eat outside.
I'd like to hear how others deal with all these things; it brings for me the theme of my work 'home' - the somatic, somatic ghosting. Sometimes we see shadows of people across the street in the office buildings, but they seem largely deserted. Or we'll look out the window to the gravel space across the street, wondering who are those people. We've saved several spiders, a moth, a fly, and a wasp that were trapped in our place. Life goes on, toddering.
Reading - John Bercow's autobio; Scott Rettberg's Electronic Literature, anthologyies of Koans and early Buddhist literature, Elizabeth Smart's journals, histories of the early Net and Net culture, occasionally a Color Atlas of Physiology which relies on systems theory, Science Magazine, lots of articles. Listening again to SW radio.
And how are you doing? Any advice to any of us would be greatly appreciated. Everything in "Amerikkka" at this point appears greatly distorted...
Thank you so much again, Alan